Loss
At the end of 2009 I lost an important family member in my life. In April of 2010 I lost two friends to a random act of violence. In May I lost another family member. In June a close friend of mine lost his mom. And last week I went to the funeral of a woman who is partially responsible for me meeting Professor Angry (aka the wife)
Death has been wining this year with me. I’m not afraid to admit that. And with all the death I’ve witnessed this year it has kinda shaken my faith in a higher power. I can live with the loss of those who have “returned home”, but I refuse to believe that there is some kind of pattern or plan. If there is a plan then the less I know about it the better. I don't see any fairness in this plan. I still believe there is a G-d, but right now I think the creator is on some random shit. There I said it. Normally I do my best to articulate my feelings in a way that shows that I was educated but there are times when all that fancy talk doesn’t cut the mustard. G-d is on some random shit people and the sooner we accept it the better humanity will be as a whole.
Faith
Faith is an important thing for people. People die, get molested, fight wars, build schools, feed the hungry, create beautiful works of art, and write beautiful poetry and many other things all in the name of faith. Like everything in life there’s a good side and a bad side to it. But what makes faith interesting to me is a person’s commitment to it. Even I’m not immune. As humans it’s essential for us to believe in something, even if you’re an atheist you believe that there is no G-d that in itself is a belief. It’s not a religion but it’s faith that there is nothing out there and this life is all that there is.
Hypocrisy
Here’s where I think we fuck up. As humans we let our fears dictate our behavior and it manifests itself through our belief system, so much so we do wrong when we think we are doing right out of fear. Here’s an example: If I’m "saved" then I’ve made my peace with death no matter what the outcome, I know I’ll be fine, but for the person that doesn’t accept Jesus into their life they may go to hell. I think that’s pretty crappy if ya ask me. This idea of G-d as an insurance policy to get you into the “afterlife” is narcissistic to me. I do think that G-d judges all men (and women). But that belief comes from my idea of what I deem as fair. I want to believe the “wicked” will be punished and “righteous” will be rewarded. With what I have no idea. I don’t think there is a physical place called heaven or hell and I am not gonna assume to know what G-d says or thinks of me or any of my brothers or sisters. That job is out of my pay grade.
Hypocrisy is best described as the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion. When I looked up the definition I saw a picture of the Pope. Strange huh? We all have had moments when we’ve been a hypocrite, consciously and unconsciously, we’re only human, so I hope the creator will forgive me for my doubts. I do the best I can to be aware of the times when I’m full of shit. Even while typing the words across this screen I stopped to ask myself, “Aren’t you being a little full of yourself?”
I know this post on the surface looks pretty deep and heavy, but I had to let that one off my chest. So with that said I promise that the next post will be a little light hearted.
