Friday, April 29, 2005

Hating on the List

People Magazine has released it's 2005's 50 Most Beautiful People list. So here's my take on the list so far. Click on the links and judge for yourself.

Jessica Alba - I'm amazed that no one has found out that she's mixed. Her father is Mexican and Indian.
Jennifer Aniston - Maybe 5 years ago (when the b*tch had a show) but she hasn't been the same since Brad left.
Drew Barrymore - No. Are you freaking kidding me? You could go to almost any bar in NYC on the upper east side and you'll see chicks ten times better. WTF?
Mischa Barton, The OC - She's got a great face but she's just too damn skinny. Why won't this b*tch eat?
David Beckham, International soccer star - Yeah it's pretty obvious on this one. The f*cker can sure kick a ball.
Halle Berry - Yeah she's hot as hell but I still wouldn't drive with her. Something about her just ain't right.
Orlando Bloom - Bulk up kid. And keep the goatee. For his sake I hope he never has to go to prison. He's just too pretty.

Penelope Cruz - I don't get it she looks like a moth. Is it me?
Patrick Dempsey, Grey's Anatomy - I loved him in Can't Buy Me Love. He's aged well. I always thought of him as the poor man's John Cusack.
Johnny Depp - No denying this one. I like him cause he makes himself ugly on purpose to be taken seriously as an actor and what happens..He gets put on lists like this. He can't avoid his looks.
Hilary Duff - Enjoy it now, cause you will not age well kiddo.
Sara Evans, Country singer - Average at best. She doesn't deserve to be on this list.
Colin Farrell - I like his dirty look. Check for him in 20 years. Brando anyone?
Jamie Foxx - The new Denzel? Ya done come up son.
Tim Green, former NFL star and best-selling author - He looks like Matt Damon. Is it me?
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU - Yes. Her beauty is arresting. Oh come on it was so there.
Tyler Hilton, One Tree Hill - Great another dim looking guy. That's all we need. Keanu anyone?
Josh Holloway, Lost - He sure knows how to play a redneck. I guess he got the trailer park vote.
Scarlett Johansson - The lips are just spectaular and the voice is so raspy. I wonder if she has small hands. Nothing like a chick with a raspy voice and small hands.
Angelina Jolie - I wonder where she stole them lips from? Maybe that's why she's always traveling to Africa doing charity type stuff. She feels guilty for stealing the lips.
Juanes, Colombian musician - He looks like Antonio Bandaras.
Alicia Keys - She belongs on this list. No hate on this end. Just stop wearing that hat gurl.
Heidi Klum - Typical. Nothing special here ok maybe the boobs but it ends there. Another skinny white chick BIG DEAL.
Jude Law - Too charming for his own good. His head is a tad bit too big don't ya think?
Lindsay Lohan - Is she still jailbait? No denying this one. She's hot. Too bad about her messed up family.
Eva Longoria - She needs to be a Bond girl. Very hot.
Jennifer Lopez - yes. And that goes double for her ass.
Ann-Margret - Maybe 40 years ago but not today.
Matthew McConaughey - He drinks like a fish and he bangs latin chicks what's not to love.
Eva Mendes, Hitch - I hear she's hotter in real life. She needs to do something with that hair though.
Jesse Metcalfe, Desperate Housewives - Well I guess he's better than Ricky Martin.
Sienna Miller, Alfie - Riding the coat tails of Jude Law.
Catalina Sandino Moreno, Maria Full of Grace - She has a genuine look about her.
Sandra Oh, Sideways, Grey's Anatomy - Heard she just got divorced. I just saw her do a love scene with a black man last week so her stock went up with me.
Sophie Okonedo, Hotel Rwanda - Flawless. Nice to see a fresh face on these things.
Clive Owen, Sin City, Closer - The return of the rugged man. He's got to be the next James Bond.
Tyler Perry, Diary of a Mad Black Woman author - Two letters DL! Dat's right I said it.
Brad Pitt - Of course. Over 40 and still going strong. George Clooney must be giving him tips.
Julia Roberts - WHY! Couldn't they dig up Trigger? Here's a little joke: Julia Roberts walks into a bar and the bartender asks her why the long face. GET IT!
Seal - Riding coat tails of a skinny white chick. I ain't mad at ya scarface. This is proof that if you can sing well you can get model type chicks to fall for ya no matter what.
Maria Sharapova, Russian tennis player - Serena she ain't.
Jessica Simpson - She's too damn cute. It's almost unnatural. She's got to be from another planet.
Elizabeth Smart, Utah teen - Brave maybe. But beautiful? Come on. Why cause she got kidnapped 8 miles away from her home? Walk home bitch! Damn they left the house a couple of times.
Martha Stewart - There's just something so bad about her. You just know she's a closet freak. She's all Home and Garden on the outside but deep down on the inside behind closed doors she's all Leather and Lace. Oh I feel so dirty talking about her.
Hilary Swank actress - WHY ? Seriously why? Must be the butch action she's got going on.
Usher singer/actor- Eh? Really did I miss something?
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat basketball player - Jordan he ain't
Oprah Winfrey - You just know she bought her way on to the list.
Kate Winslet - EH?? Come one are you people serious? Hideous Kinky? WTF?
Ziyi Zhang, House of Flying Daggers - I would learn Chinese if I knew there was a chance I could meet her.


It's nice to know they added more black people this year. But it's a shame the list didn't go further and add more Asians. Check out last year's list here.

7 comments:

The Marigold Trail said...

Very funny! And I gotta agree on the Usher thing. I just don't get it.

Nominal Me said...

Jazz, you can complain about Hillary Swank being butch and then be attracted to Serena Williams. Swank is a babe, but Maria Sharapova is way hotter than both of them. So is Heidi Klum (at least the younger version).

I agree on Julia Roberts, but I really don't get the Sandra Oh thing. Her face looks mangled.

Penelope Cruz I never got either. How could a guy go from Nicole Kidman to her and feel he's ahead? Moron.

Unknown said...

Different strokes for different folks Nominal. Hillary Swank will never do it for me cause she played a girl that wanted to be a boy in Boys Don't Cry. Girls like Swank are a dime a dozen. Just go to the Appalachian Mountains.

Maria Sharapova reminds me a line in that old Eminem song; "How you gonna breast feed me ma you ain't got no T*ts.

Heidi Klum is going to marry Seal, so maybe I shouldn't have hated on her so much. I mean how bad can a woman like that be?

In defense of Sandra Oh I downloaded a messed up pic of her. SHE IS HOT. If you don't get it then you're just missing out.

Nominal Me said...

No matter what picture you use Jazz, Oh's face is so "Oh very mangled".

Unknown said...

Different strokes for different folks Nominal.

Anonymous said...

maybe it's because i'm not susceptible to black magic or hypnosis i don't find julia roberts that attractive. and martha stewart, she doesn't even seem to be beautiful on the inside. (obviously that counts with this list) oh yeah, cross-check the listers for associations with PETA (that would explain alot)

Unknown said...

yeah sit back and judge.. why dont you code up some decent links that work instead, n do YOUR job properly. huh.