The Ocsars Part I: The nominees

The Nominees for Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences where announced Tuesday January 25, 2005. Here are the nominees.

BEST PICTURE

"The Aviator" - Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio's epic tale of the early days of Howard Hughes. This movie didn't really impress me too much but based on the scale, size and the execution it does deserve to be nominated.

"Finding Neverland" - I don't know why this movie is nominated. In this drama, we are told the story of how James M. Barrie came up with the play Peter Pan. Johnny Depp plays the role of author James M. Barrie.

"Million Dollar Baby" - I personally haven't seen this movie nor do I intend to. There is a ton of hype surrounding this movie. The plot is about a boxing trainer who's burnt out and a female boxer who needs someone to believe in her. To be blunt this is some white trash melodrama BS with Morgan Freeman thrown in as the magical negro who helps Eastwood and Swank figure it all out.

"Ray" - The story of Ray Charles. This is movie didn't make my list of the year's best, but this movie does deserve the nomination. Jamie Foxx plays the role of Ray Charles to perfection.

"Sideways" - A funny movie about two friends on a wine tasting road trip. Paul Giamatti got screwed by the Academy on this one, but I'll get to that later.


DIRECTOR

Martin Scorsese, "The Aviator" - They should just give it to him already. How many times has Scorsese been passed over. Just give it to him already.

Clint Eastwood, "Million Dollar Baby" - You sir are a relic. You have enough awards and you need to just take a break for a while.

Taylor Hackford, "Ray" - Good job sir. But you're in stiff competition.

Alexander Payne, "Sideways" - See what I said to Taylor Hackford. It goes double for you.

Mike Leigh, "Vera Drake" - Could you just lighten up? Seriously can you just make a f*cking comedy just once? For those of you who don't know Mike Leigh just see Leaving Las Vegas. Vera Drake is a story of a old woman who used to "help" women in "trouble" out. Basically she induced miscarrages in the days in where abortion was illegal. I guess Mike Leigh's job on the set was to pass out wire hangers.


ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Don Cheadle, "Hotel Rwanda" - Thanks Don you just canceled out Jamie Foxx. I'm sure you deserve this nomination but you just handicaped Foxx.

Johnny Depp, "Finding Neverland" - Weren't you nominated last year? What is it with you?

Leonardo DiCaprio, "The Aviator" - Good job Leo. For a minute when I was watching you play Howard Hughs I found myself feeling sorry for a millionare. Now that's some acting fo yo ass right there.

Clint Eastwood, "Million Dollar Baby" - Clint, what the fuck? Seriously you know that you're there only because the Academy didn't have the balls to nominate James Caviezel right? You're in Jesus's spot. I hope you can sleep well at night knowing that you're in Jesus's spot.

Jamie Foxx, "Ray" - Thanks Jamie you just handicaped Don Cheadle. Just kidding dawg. You'll probably get it for Colatteral. Smart move by the way. Just one question...Why are you going to be Tubbs in the Miami Vice movie?


ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Annette Bening, "Being Julia" - Wow you got nominated for playing a washed up actress. The jokes just write themselves there don't they.

Catalina Sandino Moreno, "Maria Full of Grace" - You got nominated for playing drug "mule". Heh and they say there are no roles with integrity for women in Hollywood.

Imelda Staunton, "Vera Drake" - I'm so glad that the red states don't have a say in who gets nominated for an Oscar.

Hilary Swank, "Million Dollar Baby" - Didn't you win already? Look if you win could you stop your husband from crying like a little bitch?

Kate Winslet, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" - You're my favorite to win. How many times did you change your hair color during the shoot?


ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Alan Alda, "The Aviator" - Glad to see you working again Hawkeye.

Thomas Haden Church, "Sideways" - Weren't you on Wings? Damn boy you done come up. YOU BETTER THANK Paul Giamatti in your acceptance speech.

Jamie Foxx, "Collateral" - Good job. Don't do any cart wheels when you win ok?

Morgan Freeman, "Million Dollar Baby" - Do you have any magical powers? You always seem to be playing the magical negro. Why is that?

Clive Owen, "Closer" - Just become the new James Bond already. JEEZ. By the way what do Natalie Portman's boobs look like?


ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Cate Blanchett, "The Aviator" - Good impression of Katharine Hepburn.

Laura Linney, "Kinsey" - Sorry I didn't get to see your movie.

Virginia Madsen, "Sideways" - Good luck. How much wine did you drink on the set?

Sophie Okendo, "Hotel Rwanda" - See what I said to Laura Linney.

Natalie Portman, "Closer" - Ahhh you played a lying stripper. What was that I said about good roles for women in Hollywood?


ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

John Logan, "The Aviator" - Eh you did ok.

Charlie Kaufman, Michel Gondry and Pierre Bismuth, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" - Charlie you are a genius and everyone who shares this nomination with you is just riding your coat tails.

Keir Pearson and Terry George, "Hotel Rwanda" - You guys tried to tell a good story about a country no one in America actually cares about. There is something to be said for that, but I just don't know what it is.

Brad Bird, "The Incredibles" - Good stuff sir.

Mike Leigh, "Vera Drake" - CHEER UP JEEZ!


ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke and Kim Krizan, "Before Sunset" - Rich, where have you been? I haven't seen you since Slackers.

David Magee, "Finding Neverland" - BOOO!

Paul Haggis, "Million Dollar Baby" - WHY? Seriously WHY?

José Rivera, "The Motorcycle Diaries" - Good stuff.

Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, "Sideways" - Good job guys I'm pulling for ya.


DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

"Born Into Brothels" - Nice title.

"The Story of the Weeping Camel" - Bad title.

"Super Size Me" - You are my favorite to win.

"Tupac: Resurrection" - Dead men don't win Oscars. Sorry Pac.

"Twist of Faith" - Sorry didn't see your movie. A man confronts the trauma of past sexual abuse as a boy by a Catholic priest only to find his decision shatters his relationships with his family, community and faith. Damn no wonder the Academy didn't nominate the Passion of the Christ.

Tomorrow - The Oscars Part II: Who got screwed?