My Crazy Daydream

I must be losing my mind because I just had a crazy ass daydream yesterday.

I dreamed I was...(hold on to your seats) a BLACK LEADER. That's right yours truly Doc Strangejazz a certified BLACK Leader.

That's not all I dreamt. I dreamt that I was holding a press conference and I had on stage with me the following people: Bill Cosby, Michael Eric Dyson, Richard Parsons (CEO of Time Warner), Julian Bond (Executive Chairman NAACP), Louis Farrakhan, Condi Rice, Jay-Z, Sen. Barack Obama, Armstrong Williams, Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson and a host of others I will mention through out this post. It was a big freakin stage ok.

I know it's crazy to have all those people up on stage with me at one time but this is my dream so just roll with it.

I took the podium and gave a speech that went something like this:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, I come to you a humble man with a mission. My mission today, well our mission today is a hard one. But it is one that I think we can complete in my lifetime. Our mission simply put is to end the bullshit that permeates our culture. Simply put people, the nigga nonsense has got to go. From this point forward all of my compatriots that you see here on this stage will work together with me and many other leaders to end the nigga nonsense. From this point forward all questions about black leadership shall be deferred to me. No more will we have you (the press) deciding who our leaders are for us. You're looking at him people. Simply put I am the only black leader you will need to come to, from this point forward. Now I'll leave the floor open for any questions.

The first question came from a reporter in the front row. Mr. Strangejazz what are you plans for Black America?

First off call me Dr. Strangejazz. We have many plans. We have collectively decided to have a 15 year moratorium on all professional sports and entertainment. We've decided collectively to not sing, dance, or play any sports. That means you won't see any new black artists or athletes coming out for at least 15 years. I wanted to shut it all down but that would cripple the economy so we compromised and settled for the fifteen-year plan. Next question.

What do you plan to do about the incarceration rate of black people?

We are working on this problem on two fronts. Many of you know that recently we lost a great legal mind in one Johnny Cochran. He will be sorely missed. Before his death we were able to get a sample of his DNA and brain matter. From these samples we were able to produce clones of Mr. Cochran. Now of course these clones do not look exactly like him, but trust me they are have his skill. We have thousands of them currently working on appeals for our incarcerated brethren. That’s on one front; we are also working with Sony and Microsoft to provide computers and PS2's for the kids who are in certain target areas. If they are on the PC or the PlayStation they won’t be on the street doing harm to anyone or themselves. Those are just a few of the ways we are handling the problem. Next question.

What do you plan to do about the image of black people?

Glad you asked. As you know this is a huge problem for us. Mr. Parsons, Mr. Cosby and I have worked out a deal in where Viacom will be selling us back BET. We’ve also acquired UPN. Once these deals are final, effective immediately the programming will be radically revamped. We plan to do it right this time around people. In addition to that we are instructing all black people not to audition for any reality television shows that includes talk shows such as the Rikki Lake show, Jerry Springer and Montel Williams. We also would like to inform you that we will only have four comics working on a mainstream basis. Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Eddie Griffin and Paul Mooney. Of course other comics will be allowed to work in clubs and do standup but we’ve come to an agreement that only four comics will be allowed to shuck and jive and make you white folks laugh. Next question.

Dr. Strangejazz do plan on running for president?

No. My job is here with my people. There’s a lot of work to be done. One thing we are currently working on that’s close to my heart is getting black women to wear their hair naturally. It’s gotta be nappy if we are going to be happy. And while we're on the subject of hair. No more jerri curls. Anyone caught with a jerri curl will be shot on site. Right here in my hand is a piece of legislation that was just signed into law that allows any police officer to shoot anyone wearing a jerri curl. Not kill just shoot. They should get the message after that. Last question please we've got a meeting to go to at Cosby's house.

Dr. Strangejazz what does the black church think of what you're doing?

Well as you know the black church the cornerstone of leadership for our people. That’s going to radically change now that I’m in charge. Churches will now be required to teach our people about money, how it works, how to invest and make a profit. Of course a few churches have similar programs like this but we plan to increase that number drastically over the next few years. We are going to empower the people with knowledge of how money works. Ok folks we gotta get out of here so thank you and take care.