Hating on the List

People Magazine has released it's 2005's 50 Most Beautiful People list. So here's my take on the list so far. Click on the links and judge for yourself.

Jessica Alba - I'm amazed that no one has found out that she's mixed. Her father is Mexican and Indian.
Jennifer Aniston - Maybe 5 years ago (when the b*tch had a show) but she hasn't been the same since Brad left.
Drew Barrymore - No. Are you freaking kidding me? You could go to almost any bar in NYC on the upper east side and you'll see chicks ten times better. WTF?
Mischa Barton, The OC - She's got a great face but she's just too damn skinny. Why won't this b*tch eat?
David Beckham, International soccer star - Yeah it's pretty obvious on this one. The f*cker can sure kick a ball.
Halle Berry - Yeah she's hot as hell but I still wouldn't drive with her. Something about her just ain't right.
Orlando Bloom - Bulk up kid. And keep the goatee. For his sake I hope he never has to go to prison. He's just too pretty.
Penelope Cruz - I don't get it she looks like a moth. Is it me?
Patrick Dempsey, Grey's Anatomy - I loved him in Can't Buy Me Love. He's aged well. I always thought of him as the poor man's John Cusack.
Johnny Depp - No denying this one. I like him cause he makes himself ugly on purpose to be taken seriously as an actor and what happens..He gets put on lists like this. He can't avoid his looks.
Hilary Duff - Enjoy it now, cause you will not age well kiddo.
Sara Evans, Country singer - Average at best. She doesn't deserve to be on this list.
Colin Farrell - I like his dirty look. Check for him in 20 years. Brando anyone?
Jamie Foxx - The new Denzel? Ya done come up son.
Tim Green, former NFL star and best-selling author - He looks like Matt Damon. Is it me?
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU - Yes. Her beauty is arresting. Oh come on it was so there.
Tyler Hilton, One Tree Hill - Great another dim looking guy. That's all we need. Keanu anyone?
Josh Holloway, Lost - He sure knows how to play a redneck. I guess he got the trailer park vote.
Scarlett Johansson - The lips are just spectaular and the voice is so raspy. I wonder if she has small hands. Nothing like a chick with a raspy voice and small hands.
Angelina Jolie - I wonder where she stole them lips from? Maybe that's why she's always traveling to Africa doing charity type stuff. She feels guilty for stealing the lips.
Juanes, Colombian musician - He looks like Antonio Bandaras.
Alicia Keys - She belongs on this list. No hate on this end. Just stop wearing that hat gurl.
Heidi Klum - Typical. Nothing special here ok maybe the boobs but it ends there. Another skinny white chick BIG DEAL.
Jude Law - Too charming for his own good. His head is a tad bit too big don't ya think?
Lindsay Lohan - Is she still jailbait? No denying this one. She's hot. Too bad about her messed up family.
Eva Longoria - She needs to be a Bond girl. Very hot.
Jennifer Lopez - yes. And that goes double for her ass.
Ann-Margret - Maybe 40 years ago but not today.
Matthew McConaughey - He drinks like a fish and he bangs latin chicks what's not to love.
Eva Mendes, Hitch - I hear she's hotter in real life. She needs to do something with that hair though.
Jesse Metcalfe, Desperate Housewives - Well I guess he's better than Ricky Martin.
Sienna Miller, Alfie - Riding the coat tails of Jude Law.
Catalina Sandino Moreno, Maria Full of Grace - She has a genuine look about her.
Sandra Oh, Sideways, Grey's Anatomy - Heard she just got divorced. I just saw her do a love scene with a black man last week so her stock went up with me.
Sophie Okonedo, Hotel Rwanda - Flawless. Nice to see a fresh face on these things.
Clive Owen, Sin City, Closer - The return of the rugged man. He's got to be the next James Bond.
Tyler Perry, Diary of a Mad Black Woman author - Two letters DL! Dat's right I said it.
Brad Pitt - Of course. Over 40 and still going strong. George Clooney must be giving him tips.
Julia Roberts - WHY! Couldn't they dig up Trigger? Here's a little joke: Julia Roberts walks into a bar and the bartender asks her why the long face. GET IT!
Seal - Riding coat tails of a skinny white chick. I ain't mad at ya scarface. This is proof that if you can sing well you can get model type chicks to fall for ya no matter what.
Maria Sharapova, Russian tennis player - Serena she ain't.
Jessica Simpson - She's too damn cute. It's almost unnatural. She's got to be from another planet.
Elizabeth Smart, Utah teen - Brave maybe. But beautiful? Come on. Why cause she got kidnapped 8 miles away from her home? Walk home bitch! Damn they left the house a couple of times.
Martha Stewart - There's just something so bad about her. You just know she's a closet freak. She's all Home and Garden on the outside but deep down on the inside behind closed doors she's all Leather and Lace. Oh I feel so dirty talking about her.
Hilary Swank actress - WHY ? Seriously why? Must be the butch action she's got going on.
Usher singer/actor- Eh? Really did I miss something?
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat basketball player - Jordan he ain't
Oprah Winfrey - You just know she bought her way on to the list.
Kate Winslet - EH?? Come one are you people serious? Hideous Kinky? WTF?
Ziyi Zhang, House of Flying Daggers - I would learn Chinese if I knew there was a chance I could meet her.

It's nice to know they added more black people this year. But it's a shame the list didn't go further and add more Asians. Check out last year's list here.

Hip Hop Wednesday 4-27-05: THE RETURN

First some minor notes:

• In addition to the new Outkast movie and staring in Be Cool, "Andre 3000” Benjamin has been tapped to star in and produce a new untitled musical. The musical will concern a man with "magical" powers. Great that's all we need another Magical Negro.
• Don't be fooled by the bootlegs of Common's new album. According to Common "They ain't got all the songs yet."

And now our main story.

I hope the movie isn't half as bad as the soundtrack. I recently got to a chance to listen to samples from this album so let's run down the track list:

Get XXX’d by J-Kwon featuring Petey Pablo & Ebony Eyez - I'm just not feeling this one.

Anybody Seen The PoPo’s?! by Ice Cube - I guess it was in his contract that he had to contribute to the soundtrack.

Fight The Power by KoRn featuring Xzibit - This probably was a good idea but the execution is just garbage.

Messiah by Dead Celebrity Status - They sound like early Cypress Hill. Check out their site here.

Oh No by Big Boi featuring Killer Mike & Bubba Sparxxx - Weak production can bring a record down no matter who is spitting on the track.

The Payback by P.O.D. - Not a bad track, but I expect better from them.

Dirty Little Thing by Velvet Revolver - I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for STP and GnR so I'll give this track a pass.

Wyle Out by Bone Crusher - Throw ya bows y'all Bone Crusher repeats himself into oblivion with this one.

Here We Go by Dirtbag - This track is produced by Timbaland. And that's probably the only good thing cause I wasn't really listening to the words.

Dis Dat Block by YoungBloodZ - I'm sure this song will uplift the black community. SIKE!

Lookin’ For U by Chingy featuring G.I.B. - Just press skip.

The March by Hush - Hush is a MC from Detroit, but don't think he's another Eminem he sounds more like Icecube before he went Hollywood. This track is one of the few bright spots on this album. Check out his site here.

MKLVFKWR by Moby & Public Enemy - The colaboration looks good on paper but it really misses the mark on this one.

Just Like Wylin’ by Bone Crusher & Three Days Grace - This is probably the most radio friendly song on the album. I'm sure this song is in steady rotation on your local KRock station.

Did It Again by Labba - This cat sounds like a southern version of Shyne without the depth.

The Good Song by Tonéx - This song sounds like Prince post Purple Rain. Gospel and funk can sound good together but this ain't that song.

The movie comes out this Friday April 29, 2005.

Interview with the Last Comic Standing

Before I left for Morocco, I got a chance to meet with the Alonzo Bodden. For those of you who don't know Alonzo was the winner of the Last Comic Standing TV show. Standing at six feet Mr. Bodden is very physically intimidating, but at the same time he was very nice once you get approach him.

How many years have you been doing Stand-up?
12 YEARS AS OF JANUARY.

How did you find out that Last Comic Standing got cancelled?
We taped the last show on Tuesday and they called Wednesday morning. It was funny because there was threat of cancellation after the 3rd or 4th week. No one expected them to just cancel he last episode.

Do you have a development deal with NBC in the works and if so what's it about?
NBC has a holding deal on me until august. Basically I can't do any other shows without their permission until then and they could use me for a pilot but they haven't yet guess I'm not the Law and Order type.

Who are your influences?
BILL COSBY, GEORGE CARLIN, ROBIN HARRIS, GEORGE WALLACE, STEVEN WRIGHT, CHRIS ROCK, DAVE CHAPELLE.

What is the question that most interviewers ask you that gets on your nerves?
Would you do my blog, no seriously it would probably be the questions abut why NBC pulled the show, since I don't really know. I don't even know who's decision it was, they don't explain anything to us. They're just unnamed network suits.

If you get a chance to ever see him perform please make sure you do.

Thoughts on Morocco: The Wrap-Up

The next day (Monday) we shopped for carpets. Actually the correct term is Kilim.

Kilim rugs is a tapestry rug woven from fairly harsh, thick wool. Most kilims are reversible, but rarer Kilims have loose ends on the back. Kilim rugs are made by nomadic peoples in Turkey, Iran, Iraq, Russia, China, Pakistan, India and Morocco.

All of the Kilims that we bought were made by Berber women. The Berber is a ethnic group that still lives up in the mountains of Morocco (Yes, Morocco has mountains).

Professor Angry and I woke up early that day. She gathered all her information and research, placed it in her bright orange bag that would eventually become too heavy as the day drew on.

Omar walks us down a alley in the medina to the carpet store. And once we walk in we see. Carpets.


and more carpets.


I don't get impressed easy but DAMN this place was incredible. They were very happy to see us in a genuine kind of way. We sat down and the salesman called over his assistants to give us a demonstration. The assistants literally roll out the carpet in front of you with an elaborate flourish. Then the salesman talked to us about where the carpets come from and the different styles. Now keep in mind that Professor Angry spent 7 months prior to this trip doing all kinds of research on Kilims. So she knew exactly what she wanted. She laid out all her research from the internet and called the salesman over to give him an example of what she was looking for. It took about 3 hours for us to choose from there selection. We walked away with an undisclosed number of Kilim for a decent price. Omar and I were very instrumental in the negotiation of the final price. After all that we went back to the hotel and rested.

Tuesday was Professor Angry's birthday so Omar decided to take us to a Fantasia at a place called Chez Ali, a fantasia is a tightly choreographed spectacle complete with charging horses and plenty of trick riding and action. The ornate costumes of the participants will remind you of "1,001 Arabian Nights. Going to a fantasia showed me how people in Morocco really know how to pimp their culture. The food at Chez Ali was amazing for a place that looked like a tourist trap. Earlier that day I had the pleasure of meeting one John Weiss a photographer is now a professor of photography at the University of Delaware. Back in the 80's Mr. Weiss released a book called The Face of Baseball.

Wednesday morning we went to a Berber village in the mountains. We had McDonald's for breakfast and I crashed once we got back, I swear the McDonald's overseas is more potent than the McDonald's here in America. After my nap, I spent most of the afternoon chilling by the pool and checking email. Wednesday would be our last day with Omar but at least we would have Abdul as a substitute.

Thursday Abdul drove us to Essouria. The drive was about 2 and half hours. But it was worth it. I listened to my iPod for most of the ride and just sat back and checked out the view. The drive to Essouria was probably one of the best things that I got to experience on this trip. While we were there we ran into Arthur a nice gentleman we met on the way in. He's what I like to call a MAD COOL BROTHA. Arthur is the type of person you can talk to, and feel at the end of the conversation that you've learned something. He was staying at this PHAT riad near the beach and man did he have a view. We also had the pleasure of meeting a nice Jewish man named Joseph who had happened to live in Forest Hills, Queens for a number of years. This was cool for me cause me cause I went to HS in Forest Hills. We chatted in Hebrew for a while and talked about how NYC has changed since 9/11. We ended up buying a painting and some jewelry. If any of you people reading this ever go to Essouria. Do no leave there without trying the fish.

Friday we ended up chilling for most of the day. We went to a nice garden in the day and at night we hooked up with Arthur and drank wine til about 12AM in a riad. While we were there we ran into a Eurotrash table of people that were interested in finding out where we were from, I personally had enough of people asking me if I was an NBA player or the bodyguard of the famous singer (Prof. Angry) I was with.. We blew them off and headed back to the hotel to get a good night's sleep.

Saturday we woke up at 4AM to catch our flight out of Marrakech to Casablanca. The flight home was long and not easy. First off we were at Casablanca for 3 hours with nothing to do. While on the plane I got 2 fevers and was in the middle seat. Let me tell ya something folks being 6'3 and in the middle seat between a woman that is 6'1 and a another gentleman who is 6'2 isn't fun.

So this wraps up my trip to Morocco. All of this was made possible by Professor Angry. Thanks sweetie. I might not be smiling in all the pictures we took but don't think that I didn't have a great time.

Minor notes

I'll be wrapping my my tale of Morocco later on today. In the meantime check out my review of State Property 2 on We the Voices.com.

Also check out my piece on the Magical Negro in film.

Thoughts on Morocco: Part Three

First off I want to apologize, got my timeline messed up. A special thank you to Professor Angry for correcting my mistake. We went shopping for rugs on Monday so that story will be in Part Four not in Part Three. And now part three of my thoughts on Morocco.

So Sunday we woke up pretty early to get breakfast which for me consisted of a hard boiled egg and two croissants, orange juice and a cup of coffee, (this was to be my breakfast for the next 6 days). Omar was on time.

Omar being the gentleman that he is gets us into a cab and it's off to the medina. First we did some site seeing at a sultan's palace. Which was packed with tourists from all over. I don't remember the sultan's name but from what I gather he had a lot of wives and slaves buried in his garden. From there we went to another palace that was just beautiful. I got some great shots of the interior. I can't do that place justice with my words so I won't try. After we took in some of the historical sites we were off to the medina.

The medina is one big market place in where you can see live snake charmers, acrobats and monkeys. The place is WILD and freaking hot (but it's a dry heat). Omar takes us into the serpentine alleys, on our way to the carpet store we are approached by beggars and merchants selling their wears. Omar acts as buffer between us and the beggars so we don't get our pockets picked.

While walking through the durbs we managed to stop in a nice antique store. There was so much jewelry Professor Angry couldn't stand it. Hell I even was blown away by some of the pieces in that store. Professor Angry took great pleasure in trying on some nice necklaces and I was on a quest for a nice lion ring and some jewelry for my mom. After trying on about six different necklaces Professor Angry asked me to call on Omar to negotiate the price. In Morocco if you buy something the merchant will always give you what he calls a "good price" but that doesn't mean you have to accept it. Rule one of shopping in Morocco: Every thing can be negotiated in the medina. So Omar and the merchant go back and forth and finally come to a price both can agree on, Omar shows then shows the piece of paper with the price on it to Professor Angry, it's too rich for her blood so we move on. We move on down antique alley to another store that is more elaborate than the one we just left. The place looked like a museum. The manager knows Omar so it's cool to look around, I notice how he has a wall of fame that includes people like: Michael Keaton, David Bowie, Bill Clinton, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton. I'll admit it I was impressed.

After moving on from that store we walk down further. To our left we see a nice candle holder shop. The inside of the shop looked like something right out of New York's Greenwich Village (funny how familiar surroundings can make you feel comfortable huh?). Very nice stuff all around and all the art work was done by the guy and his partner running the place, I know this to be true because I actually saw him doing work while I was there. He had some interesting stuff. Professor Angry was also very impressed with his wears. At one point I decide I'm going to buy something. Fellow blogger NominalMe asked me to get him something so I figured now was as good a time as any to get him his gift being that he was one of the few people that wanted something from Morocco. We sit down and we look over the candle holders the nice young guy makes us some tea and gives us some bottled water (in most stores they will serve their customers Moroccan tea). So we chill out and hang for a few.

Professor Angry is just chatting up a storm about the many different lamps he has for sale and begins to start wondering if she can purchase a lizard lamp that is on the wall behind me. Thank goodness she didn't end up buying that thing because there was no way were going to be able to bring that on the plane with us. While Prof. Angry is chatting I start to look around and I notice a blank octagon looking candle holder. It's simple and very sturdy and it is a blank. I decide that in addition to the two candle holders I'm going to buy this octagon looking one and have the artist put some designs on it, of course Professor Angry sees what I'm doing and decides she's going to bite my style and asks if the artist can do one for her. So once again we have Omar negotiate the price and we make arrangements to come back and get the finished product by Wednesday. And so we moved on further down and got lunch. The place Omar took us to was a very basic looking Moroccan dinner. But don't be fooled by appearances just cause the place looked basic doesn't mean the food was. The food was GREAT. During our meal we bonded with Omar as he asked us about Harlem, and race in America. He found it to be very unfair in the way black people are portrayed in the media. We agreed that is was very unfair and explained to him that black people have limited control in how they are perceived in the media. Omar told us about how he went to NY and people warned him about Harlem but when he finally went up there he didn't see much to worry about. Funny how people lie huh?

After our meal we went back to the hotel for a nap. That night we went out to another nice restaurant and ate a wonderful meal. We got to bed pretty early for tomorrow we shop for Kilim (rugs).

Thoughts on Morocco: Part Two

After checking into the riad we realized that we didn't want to stay there, but how were we going to break it to them and how much would we pay? And to top it off we had a guide coming to see us in a matter of hours.

Little did we know that he would be the best thing to happen to us on this trip.

We expected a young guy who was slick and swarthy looking. What we got was a peaceful kind older gentleman named Omar.


Omar has over 30 years experience being a guide. He speaks five different languages and he knows almost everyone in Marrakech.

The culture shock of where our riad located really shook us up a bit, but when Omar arrived we some how knew things were going to turn out fine. The first thing he did after helping us negotiate our way out of the riad we were staying in was take us out for tea. During tea he gave us some historic background of the city. It was really nice how he did this without sounding too preachy.

After tea we went into the new city and settled into our new hotel. Our new hotel was located in the modern part of town aptly called "the New City". The Hotel Diwane had internet access (in the lobby), AC and TV in the room. Also they had a pool and a lovely restaurant. We got settled in and went out to dinner at a nice place up the street. The food was lovely and we managed to run into a nice American couple. This was a nice first night. Tomorrow we would shop for carpets. That's easy right? Think again.

To be continued.

Thoughts on Morocco: Part One

First off, it feels great to be back in America. We really do have it good over here and sometimes I tend to take that for granted in my rantings, but when you travel and see how other people live you realize how good we really have it in spite of all the things our collective gov't has to do to maintain the status quo it's worth it.

My companion Professor Angry and myself set out of JFK on Friday 4-1-05. Being that there aren't any direct flights to our destination (Marrakech) we had to transfer at Casablanca. While we were in the unorganized line at Casa I noticed that there were a lot of black Africans going to Europe. It was like 125th Street up in there. Professor Angry was not pleased at all, so she decided to cut the line; successfully she was able to obtain our broading passes. Later on we find out that we could have avoided this by having our boarding passes printed at JFK.


Arrive at Marrakech around 9AM. Getting a cab (a Mercedes no less) was very easy. We make small talk with our driver who's English isn't half bad. Months earlier we reserved a room in a riad. For those of you who don't know what a riad is; it is a home that has a garden, but the gardens in most riads are organized around one central courtyard. Now that's the definition I found in a tour book. What they don't tell you is that most of these riads are in the medina which is made of a maze of alleys called durbs.




Getting to the riad was an adventure. We pull up on the side of the street and get out and our driver walks us down this tight serpentine alley. On our way there we were almost hit by several mopeds (EVERYONE IN MOROCCO HAS ONE) and had to squeeze by several European golfers. Finally I see a small sign under a blue door that says Hotel Sharharazad. Finally we're here we knock on the door and there's a nice young lady there at the desk who checks us in. The inside of this riad looks fairly decent and exotic but it's nothing like the internet. So now we meet a nice young man who takes us to our room in where we had to go out the front door of the hotel and then go next door and up some steps to our room. The room is bare bones at best. Very small, no dressers and a very nice bathroom. The only thing I had a problem with is there was no TV, and the lock on the front door was crap. Welcome to Morocco b*tch, we're going to need a guide or something.

To be continued.

Fringe Thursday: Will Clive Owen Be The Next James Bond?

[With Dr. Strangejazz in Morocco (having limited Internet access) and C.F. Kane in an undisclosed location, Nominal Me will guest post today).


Will Clive Owen become the new James Bond?

The competition for the next James Bond has been stiff since Irish actor Pirece Bronson retired his Walter PPK. There have been many rumors surrounding the next actor. Here's a short list of contenders, Jude Law, Hugh Jackman, Orlando Bloom and my personal favorite Clive Owen.

Truth be told, I have not seen, nor have I cared about, James Bond since the end of the Cold War. The character of Bond has always seemed out of place in the new modern world.

In the 70s and 80s our "good guys" were pretty cut and dry. It was good versus evil, white hat versus black, the West against the Soviets. It was a two dimensional world.

But not so today. Our lives seem more complicated, and thus we ask our characters to have some depth, and perhaps regret, about what they are doing.

This is why the choice of Owen would be so intriguing. He seems somewhat of an anti-hero at times, almost a brooding thoughtful figure. He certainly has charisma, and I can see him pulling of the "shaken, not stirred" line, but more importantly I believe he is the type of guy that can take an anachronistic figure and make him relevant to today's modern world.

Perhaps he is the James Bond of the 21sr Century?

We shall see.

Thoughts on Morocco : Preview

This is Doc Strangejazz coming at ya live from the Roc (Marrakesh , Morocco to be exact). I've managed to get so free time today so I'm able to post a little preview of my trip to Morocco.

It's really hot here. So far I've been asked if I was a NBA player about 4 times and my lady friend has been asked if she's an actress or a jazz singer 8 times. Use of the internet at the hotel is cheap so I'm able to go online and check email.

It really helps a lot if you know French here being that this country was a former French colony. The city of Marrakesh is broken up into two cities. The Medina and the New City. The Medina is more traditional and the New City is more modern.

I will write more when I come back to the states but for now I will leave you with a few of my first impressions:

-Riad's aren't for everybody.
-Snake charmers are for real.
-Don't knock their hustle. Everybody has a hustle here.
-You got to know how to bargin. The final price is not always final.
-You need a guide if you don't know French. Omar is his name and he knows the city inside and out.
-The food here is beautiful. Please try the lamb. You won't regret it.
-Hip-hop is a live and well here.

That's all for now but please stay tuned for Nominal Me and his Fringe Thursday post.

Off to Morocco

For the next ten days I will be in Morocco.

When I get back there will be stories and observations about my trip. Why Morocco you ask? Well folks let's just say that a woman is involved in this decision. A very special woman.

Take care all and please stay tuned because I have Nominal Me filling in for me.