I consider myself an open minded progressive man. But lately I've noticed that I might be a little too progressive for my own good.
In a relationship the man and women both have respective roles. Traditionally the woman is the care giver and the nurturer and the man is the bread winner and the one that provides a sense of security. In a progressive relationship the roles can sometimes get blurred.
Growing up I thought a woman's role was to cook, clean, raise the children and look pretty. As I grew older I learnt that these expectations were a part of a patriarchy that was created to hold women down. Yeah I took a woman's studies course in college. I had no idea that expecting a woman to cook and clean was apart of an oppressive order. Who knew? After learning all this my expectations changed. I learnt to expect nothing. Whatever role you want I would complement that. But recently me and my girlfriend have been fighting over what a man and woman's role should be.
I have various roles in my relationship. I cook, lift the heavy sh*t around the house, pay the cable bill and I can be quite nurturing (supportive) when need be. My girlfriend's role is to clean, keep the lights on, and be equally supportive (and nurturing).
Now this sounds all simple and good doesn't it? Think again.
I've got no problem cooking, and being nurturing but from time to time my girlfriend expects me to do shit that I just hate. For instance. Carrying her bag. My girlfriend carries a BRIGHT ORANGE bag and from time to time when it gets too heavy for her she asks me to carry it. I know that people cannot tell it's a woman's bag but I KNOW IT'S ONE. Sorry I just had to vent there. My point is, I didn't sign on to be a freakin valet.
Question to all the ladies out there: Do you really expect your man to carry your bag (when it gets heavy)?
See my problem is I don't expect anything from her that would even compare to that. Yeah I'm a tit for tat kind of guy. I guess I'm kind of confused as to what a woman's role should be.
Ladies I need some feedback here.
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6 comments:
You actually asked for my opinion...you know you done f'ed up right? And this may be a shameless plug but why isn't my link on here? LOL
Ok...so onto the opinion. There is NOTHING in the world wrong with asserting your manhood from time to time. If the bright orange bag doesn't feel right in your hand then don't carry it. There is one thing you can be certain of, if she were single she'd have no choice but to carry that bag or count on the kindness of strangers. The problem with men is they think that asserting their manhood means they have to be an ass. "I am man...man no hold bag...end of story." You don't have to throw a fit or get loud about not wanting to carry the bag. You could say something to the affect of..."Look baby, I'll rub your feet and cook your food but I'm not carrying that bright orange bag." She may laugh...she may not like it but I'm sure if it's said in a good way she'll listen.
"Oh and can you PLEASE tell me why getting Tampons from the drug store is sooooooooo damn embarrassing for ya'll?"
I got no problem going to the store and buying Tampons for a woman. Hell that's a better than being sent to buy a home pregnancy test.
Strangejazz, you are not trippin'. You don't want to carry the bag. You need to draw that line. As Nia said, you do other things but you draw the line with the bag. Is the issue more about it being orange or her asking you to do it? Would it be better if it was blue or black or brown?
Once you say something to her about it though, you run the risk that she's going to dimiss it as you just being picky. I mean, if she's the "if I don't agree, I dismiss" type of woman. Hopefully she isn't.
A lot of woman do that sort of thing as a power grab...sort of a way to neuter a man. "I'm going to make them carry this girlie girl bag to let him, and everyone, know that I own him."
Knowing your girlfriend, I don't see that as the issue here...but I have seen that on a lot of situations with other couples.
Owner of the bag: Old school is good...guys you like carrying your books home for you...drinking lemonade on my mama's porch...ahh. However, men's bag or not I didn't hear you disagreeing to the bright orangeness of the bag. I'm going to make a guess and say that he wouldn't have a problem with it if it didn't make him feel like less of a man. If it were say camouflage. LOL
*Mental note* Don't let HIM ever know about my blog.
It depends on how often this takes place. If it's an occassional thing, then no big deal. But if my wife was always loading up a bag while we're out with the assumption that she can just give it to me once she doesn't want to carry it anymore, it might become an issue.
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